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Unfortunately, there is no magic remedy for getting children to listen the way we parents wish they would. Rest assured that you are by no means a bad mother! Like all moms, you just have some things to get figured out. My first child was an awful listener. He wouldn't stop when he was supposed to, he did not want to conform to what the other kids at daycare were doing, and in a nutshell, he was, and still is, a very strong-willed child. The two main things that tremendously helped him were consistency and communication. Set clear expectations and follow through time after time. Each time you redirect your child, give a short reason. For example, "Emma, you need to sit quietly with your hands folded in your lap. When you are talking during circle time, others have a difficult time paying attention." You have set an expectation and communicated the reasoning behind its importance. Developing high expectations, coupled with a little communication, will give her the tools to successfully follow social graces and teacher/parental requests when necessary.
Also, you might try "playing" out some scenarios. Talking is good, but involvement is better! For example, I was never one to put my child on one of those child leashes, but I did consider it a time or two. My son would see something of interest and off he'd go. I would call his name and he wouldn't flinch. After brainstorming ways to teach him to stop, we put on our shoes and hit the backyard. I told him we were going to play a listening game and told him the reason for playing it. Then I instructed him to run to the swing set and when he heard the word stop, he was to stop and look at me. We did this for a few minutes each day for one solid week. After one week, we had a success rate of nearly 100% in and out of public. So my advice would be to pick one listening issue and just focus on that one. Crack one listening offense open at a time and take it through to mastery. If you jump from offense to offense, your child will only get confused about what to do and when.
Three more helpful ideas:- Develop a listening code word for the times you are trying to get her attention and she continues to do her own thing. We use the word "mommy" at our house. When we are at the park and it's time to go, my son will act as if he doesn't hear me. Nine times out of ten he will develop the "if I don't look at her, then she will not make me go" syndrome. I will say "(name), look at me and say mommy." He'll look and say it with that "I've been caught" expression. Then I will repeat my direction and ask him to say it back. I've used this since he was very little, and he is six now and it still works. If your child attends daycare, your child may use your daycare provider's name instead.
- Make sure your daycare provider's vocabulary and expectations are in sync with yours. Be fair to your daughter by providing her with the same consistency and structure. She should not feel that her behavior can be altered from one caregiver to the next.
- Praise, praise, praise! When she is a good listener, build her up with encouragement. When she does something good, let her know. She will begin to understand that her ability to listen well is in direct correlation with the things you permit her to do.
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