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How Do I Bond With My Baby?

By Lynn Shear, edHelperBaby

How Do I Bond With My Baby?
           Many parents-to-be worry over things like which car seat to pick out and the latest recalls on cribs.  They wonder aloud over details like what color eyes the baby will have and whether or not she'll inherit her daddy's sense of humor.  Most also have much deeper concerns, such as how do I help create a bond that will last between me and this new little person I haven't even met yet?

       For mothers, the hormonal roller coaster known as pregnancy is responsible for large doses of loving feelings towards all things little and cute, which will take most a long way down the road toward a deep, loving relationship with their newborns.  Fathers are also blessed with some amount of hormonal effects, though not usually to the same extent.  However, most dads will concede that the mixture of awe and wonder they experienced at the birth of their child was tinged with not just a little love.

       Some parents don't experience the rush of love that others do.  Physical pain and disappointment with any part of the birth can cause a surprising amount of indifference or even anger.  However, even those families that don't experience the emotions they expect can grow to thoroughly enjoy the new little being in their lives over time.

       All families will experience a transition period as they bring their new baby home.  For some, that transition is more difficult than others.  Post-partum depression, "baby blues," or just normal hormone fluctuations can leave even the most committed mothers weepy and uncertain.  For serious problems, always check with your healthcare provider, but be aware that many problems can be headed off at the pass with a few "survival strategies."

       Survival strategy number one is to get used to your new normal.  For the first few weeks and months, the baby will need to eat every few hours around the clock.  This is a great time to spend getting to know your baby and enjoying being with her.  These many hours spent focusing on your baby will promote that essential bond between you and your child.  They will not, however, be hours devoted to the art of keeping a sparkling kitchen or mastering the latest yoga technique.   Trying not to set unrealistic expectations for yourself during this time will help keep frustration and disappointment at bay, which will allow you the emotional energy you need to focus on bonding with the baby.

       Survival strategy number two is maintaining your own sense of self.  Take time to call friends and talk to your spouse.  Look for things you can do easily that you enjoy, such as watching TV, reading a novel, or listening to music.  Remembering who you are and what you like will help you to have something to bring to the hours you spend with your baby.

       Survival strategy number three is enjoying your baby.  As your baby grows, she will begin to interact with you.  Take advantage of this new stage to further your bond with her by playing games like peek-a-boo.  Sing goofy songs and rhymes.  Overall, just focus on spending time with her.  The time you spend talking to her and holding her will be the foundation for a lifetime of good memories.

       With both my three-year-old and my eight-month-old, I have spent countless hours sitting on the floor letting them play around me.  We play peek-a-boo and patty-a-cake.  We read books and listen to music.  We watch kid's TV shows.  At the store, I talk to them and carry them.  We look at toys and clothes, books and candies.  What I am really doing, though, is spending time with them.  I am learning who they are and what they like.  I am letting them learn who I am and what I like.  At the end of the day, the bond between us is strengthened, not because I played peek-a-boo, but because I am there, focusing on my children and showing them how important they are.  That's how a bond is built, one day at a time.

   


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