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Toddler - Week #123


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Your 29-month-old toddler (week 123)

By Shelley Feldman, edHelperBaby

I Want To Make Some Friends!
           This month, believe it or not, your toddler really does want to begin making friends and playing nicely with other children...despite how things may look on the playground.  He's becoming increasingly interested in other toddler's "playing styles," and loves to mimic what he is observing (for good and for bad), so give him as many opportunities as possible to practice and improve these new skills.

       Although your toddler may hold onto his own little possessions for dear life, and cringe at the mere thought of anyone else laying their hands on his goods, he really would like nothing more than to share the fun with another little person.  And because he is just beginning to understand this very complex concept, he will absolutely need a great deal of hand holding from you.

       Right now, many toddlers are still very interested in watching other children play from afar before they dive in themselves, so don't worry if your toddler appears slightly "stand-offish" and hesitant to join in.  Jumping in feet first and out of your toddler's safety zone can be quite a frightening experience, so let your child take the lead and he'll let you know when the time is right.  It is never wise to push your toddler too hard when it comes to interacting with other children at this age, so take a load off and sit on the sidelines with him until he feels more comfortable.

       If your toddler has a little friend that he often sees, watch over the course of this next month as their friendship continues to blossom and develop.  Also once your little one feels comfortable and safe in the company of another toddler, don't be surprised to see a little comradery, and even jealousy when other children are brought into the mix.

       In general, be sure to provide your toddler with plenty of time and opportunities to play with other children his age this month, as this practice will help to improve his socialization skills.  Also, pay close attention to the cues that your toddler gives you regarding who and what makes him feel comfortable, and most importantly be right by his side when he reaches out to you for a little extra support.

   

Sharing And Taking Turns
           Sharing can be difficult for everyone at one time or another.  Just think about how you, as an adult, feel when you've been counting down the moments until you can sink your teeth into that delicious bowl of ice cream waiting for you in the freezer, when all of a sudden, out of the corner of your eye, someone else dives in, uninvited, and steals the best bite!  Now imagine the same thing happening to your 2-year-old, but replace the ice cream with a toy, and you'll have a better understanding as to why she has such a difficult time with the idea of sharing anything she treasures.

       When you see your little one struggling with sharing or taking turns, acknowledge your toddler's feelings while simultaneously teaching social skills.  Let her know that you understand that certain toys are her favorites, but that sometimes other children would like a chance to play with them also.  But most importantly, be patient when it comes to sharing and taking turns for the next few months, because at this age your toddler is still in the very early learning stages.

       If you see your toddler staking her claim inappropriately, it is your job to step in and help out.  If your toddler takes something out of another child's hands, return it to its rightful owner and simply explain to your toddler that she can have it next.  Although this is a very difficult concept for toddlers this age to grasp, your little one will eventually catch on...after a few screaming fits.  Also, be certain that if you tell your toddler she can have the desired item next, she actually does receive it.  By not fulfilling your side of the bargain (especially when your toddler is on the recipient end), she misses out on a valuable lesson regarding taking turns, so be sure not to forget.

       On the flip side, if you see another toddler chomping at the bit as she watches your child playing with something that she wants, take it as an opportunity to teach your toddler how to let go and make someone else happy.  Your best bet is to find another toy to interest your child first so that she no longer wants to play with "the desired item," then ask your toddler to offer the original toy to her friend.  Although you are manipulating the situation, and your toddler is not being left empty handed, it is a simple way to reinforce the importance of sharing, without a meltdown.

   

How To Host The Perfect Play-date
           Alright, so maybe there's no such thing as a "perfect" play-date at this age, but there are a few steps that you can take to ensure that it goes a bit smoother for everyone involved.

       Be sure to prepare for the play-date in advance, by scouring the play area for hazards and ensuring all the child-proofing is up to date in your home.  Also, remember that although your toddler may be safe around steps and other dangers, your guest may not be, so bring out the safety gates if they have been tucked away, and get down on the floor at your toddler's height to check for hazards that you may have overlooked.

       The next key to a successful day is to be sure that you schedule the play-date for either well before, or well after naptime, and if your toddler's eyes begin to look heavy it's best to call it a day.

       Regarding toys, you may want to remove the ones that your toddler is most attached to, and therefore, most unwilling to share.  Leave out toys that two children can play with together, or place two similar toys in close proximity to one another so that each of them can have their own.

       And when it comes to food, it's best that everyone is fed well before the playing begins because a hungry toddler is not a happy toddler.  Before the play-date, confer with the parents of your guest whether or not snacks will be served, and always ask if there are any food allergies that you should be aware of ahead of time.

       When your guest arrives, it is most likely that at this age the parents will also stay, however if they were not planning on it you may want to encourage them to stick around.  Not only may their presence increase the comfort level of your little guest, but it can never hurt to have a second set of hands and eyes around ready to help if and when things get a little crazy.

       When the play-date officially begins and your toddler and his buddy begin to tear your house apart, do your best to step back and watch the mess unfold from a safe distance.  As long as no one is getting hurt or doing something dangerous, try not to hover and let them practice interacting without your intervention.  You'll be amazed as they try to have conversations, and you may also be pleasantly surprised at your toddler's ability to share...if only for a few seconds.  And if arguments erupt, as they often do with toddlers this age, see if your toddler and his guest can work it out amongst themselves, however be prepared to rush in if the pushing begins.

   

Activity
           Hide-n-Seek        

       This game is an all time favorite and can be enjoyed by children of all ages.  Although your toddler is still a bit young to fully understand the concept and play on her own, it is a fun activity to play with other toddlers, and all that it takes is a little directing and re-directing on your behalf.

       It is your best bet not to attempt to explain this game to your toddler verbally, but instead, show her how to play by taking her through the motions.  A long explanation will only go in one ear and out the other right now, so just start playing the game and she'll follow your lead.

       Have one adult per toddler playing, and take turns showing the little ones how to "hide" and then how to "seek."  Show your toddler how to cover her eyes and count to ten, and then take her by the hand on a search for her missing friend.  Once each child has had a few opportunities to try out both sides of the game, encourage the toddlers to give it a shot on their own, but stick around to help out when they inevitably get confused.

   

  Andrew and Devin's Opinion
           This has been a fan favorite in our house lately, and I was under the impression that my 29-month-old twins had finally figured it all out...until we started to play this go round.

       Looking for something to do on this rainy afternoon, I encouraged Andrew and Devin to begin playing Hide-n-Seek.  Because we have been playing this quite often, the boys quickly agreed, and before I could help choose who should be the "seeker" they both ran off to hide.  Left with no choice, I began to count to ten and then went on my own way, only to find the boys giggling in a huddle, with their hands over their eyes, counting.   So, maybe they didn't quite get it...

       Take two...I brought both boys over to our designated counting spot, asked Devin to stay, cover his eyes, and count.  I then took Andrew by the hand and brought him to his brother's bedroom where I showed him the perfect hiding spot.  As I walked down the hall to go check on Devin, I felt a slight tap on my leg.  I quickly turned around only to see Andrew and hear quietly peep, "Peek-a-boo."  Wrong game my little man...

       Take three...I brought both boys over to our designated counting spot, and asked Andrew AND Devin to stay, cover their eyes, and count.  I then ran through the house and hid, hopeful that together they may be able to figure this game out...wishful thinking.  When a few minutes went by and no pitter patter of little feet came running down the hallway, I came out of my hiding spot and returned back to the living room, only to find Andrew and Devin sitting in the exact same spot where I had left them.  Devin looked up as I entered the room and proudly said, "You found me!"

       Maybe we'll try again next week...

   

  Have you begun to wonder...
           My toddler appears nervous about playing with other children and would rather play by himself.  How do I help him become more social?       

       First, it is important to understand that not only do toddlers come in all shapes and sizes, but they also come with various (and unpredictable) temperaments and personalities that as parents, we must accept.  Some toddlers jump at the chance to go play with other children, and others are much more content staying at home and playing by themselves.  If your toddler happens to fall in the latter category, it may just take a bit more work on your part, to gently push him out of his comfort zone.

       It may be as simple as preparing your toddler way ahead of time for social outings, by dropping subtle hints and making impending play-dates sound as exciting as possible.  Let him get used to the idea that he will be around other kids way before it's actually going to happen, and he may begin to eventually look forward to it.

       If your toddler is fearful of playing with other children because of a negative experience that he had in the past, slowly ease him back into the social scene by inviting one "safe" little peer over to your house, so he can interact and practice on his own turf.

       And if it makes him feel safer to keep his special stuffed puppy by his side, there's nothing wrong with having a little extra moral support either.

       Basically, it is important that you do not push your toddler to engage in situations where he does not feel comfortable, but you can do a few simple modifications to make socialization a little more tolerable.  Remember that at this age your toddler is still very young and most likely over time he'll be ready to take a chance and break out of his shell.  Until then, be prepared to do a lot of hand holding with your little one, let him know that you love him for who he is, and be grateful that you've been blessed with a child who is comfortable just spending time with himself.

   



Grammar for Two Year Old Children
By Amber Kleefeld, edHelperBaby

           Congratulations!  You are an English teacher!  By the time your child is two, he probably has a number of words and a few short sentences under his belt.  It is an exciting time to be a parent, because your little one is thirsting for knowledge about language and you are the resident expert!  It is important to be positive and to not fall into the trap of over correcting your child.  An easy way to do this is to pick one grammar rule every couple of weeks to reinforce.  Simple word replacement lessons are best, because your child can easily repeat your examples and feel successful.  Do not punish or scold if your toddler makes mistakes.  Just model the correct grammar and repeat it for your child a couple of times.  Remember to give lots of verbal praise and hugs to show your little one how proud you are!

       Here are some lessons you may want to target:
  • Changing "No like it." to "Don't like it."  You may be hearing this one a lot, so it is a good place to start!
  • Changing "Pick you up." to "Pick me up."  Pronouns are especially tricky for toddlers but choosing one that they use in a sentence frequently can be helpful.
  • Changing your child's name to "I" when he is talking about himself.  Think of it as curing "Elmo Syndrome".

       Remember, your child will scale these language hurdles naturally in time.  However, active modeling for your child will open doors for them developmentally and you will feel the rewards of being your child's first teacher!       

   



“No Like That Lady!”
By Amber Kleefeld, About my child Aidan

           Within the last month, our two year old son has morphed from a shy little lamb to a roaring lion.  He will perform impromptu dances for guests, stray dangerously far from Mom's side if allowed and express distaste for anyone and everything.  He is a happy child, who laughs and hugs a lot, but when our son expresses his feelings, occasionally feelings are hurt. Here are two snapshots:
  • Picture it:  Trader Joe's checkout line.  It is our turn to check out and our son says, "No like that lady!  No pay for it!"  Not only is the employee shocked that such a cute little guy could be so cold, but now she thinks I am teaching him to steal.
  • Picture it:  Grandpa flies across the country to spend a few weeks visiting, because now he is retired and ready to shower love on his grandson. Your son says, "No like Grandpa!  Go away Grandpa!"  Somebody is just a little heartbroken.

       So, at first, we punished him.  We were adamant that our son say only nice things, and when he did not we put him in time out.  The behavior did not stop.  Then, I thought, we should ignore it.  He is doing it for attention and scolding him is making it worse.  I also thought that maybe this was an outer manifestation of his understanding of "stranger danger."  So, I let it go but it just did not feel right.  Now, we talk through it every time.  For example, if our son says, "No like that man!" in a public place, I quietly tell him that it is not nice to yell at people.  I also ask him why he does not like the man, but usually he has no idea.  If he yells again, we move away from the person and discuss the possibility of a time out. With relatives, I am stricter.  Saying "No like Dada! Like Mama!" is his most common offense.  I make him say, "Like Dada." every time now.  He is even ready for it.  His thinking comes across in a stream like this:  "No like Dada!  Like Mama!  What do you say?  Like Dada.  Never say again."  Like many other life lessons, it is exhausting, but the results are worth it!       

   


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