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The terrible twos might be the beginning of an occasional meltdown, a series of misunderstandings, and confusion for both you and your child. Maybe your child's behavior at two has been outstanding, and you feel that you were able to slip by that notorious terrible stage. If so, congratulations; however, beware because it can sneak out at three, too! This so called terrible stage is often characterized by less than desirable behavior exhibited by a child. Your approach will make or break this phase of development. Your child's disobedience can be curbed. You will wonder what happened to that baby stage as new emotions arise and the battle for control begins. As the parent, you will feel that "I am the parent; therefore, my child shall obey me." Your child will be learning enough about the world around her to want control over her environment. Strive to eliminate the onset of battles. Pick your battles wisely and consider the following suggestions to head off the anticipated meltdown or inevitable confrontation.- Before entering an establishment, state your expectations clearly. As you talk to your child about going into the grocery store, you might say: "You will need to ride in the cart today even though I know you like to walk. I need to walk very quickly and I don't want your legs to get too tired." Smile and continue nicely. "We will not be buying anything extra for you or for me today. We will get back into the car, drive home, and play outside once I get the groceries put away. Doesn't playing outside sound fun?" Prefacing your plans will help your child focus on playing outside rather than the fact that she hates to ride in the cart and prefers to walk. Also, you have mentioned that she will not be allowed to ask for extra items during your store visit.
- State the obvious...out loud. Think aloud so your child can see how you use reasoning skills, pull from prior knowledge, and ask pondering questions to become a better problem solver. Think alouds also provide children with stronger vocabulary. It is important to talk with your child in an adult voice, not baby talk. For example, if you burn something while cooking, you might state that you forgot to set the timer, had the heat on too high, etc.
- Answer a question with a question. As a parent, you do not need to give answers all the time. Your child will become more insightful if you return the why with a question, give her time to think it through on her own, then help her arrive at the correct answer. Don't be so quick to answer the why with a response, but don't dismiss it entirely either. There must be a balance between the two.
- Coin a phrase. A phrase like "That is a great question" will do two things. It will promote immediate action if followed by a command. For example, when you ask your toddler to brush her teeth and she says "why?" you can respond with "That is a great question. Remind me to answer that right after you brush your teeth." Your toddler will be more willing to follow your initial request if she can anticipate your reaction. Also, given that the word "why" might become a habitual response to every request you have, this will help weed out the unnecessary ones. If she can still remember to ask you after brushing her teeth, then it must have been a truly important one. If "why" is not common for your child but an outright "I don't want to" is, then consider a phrase like "Then how might you feel later...?" For instance, "I don't want to get dressed." "Then how might you feel later when you arrive at preschool without your school clothes on?" Your child might be more willing to foresee how the decisions she makes in the moment will impact future outcomes.
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